Battlestar Sarcastica - putting your best font forward

Sarcasm gets a rough deal in modern society. 

I find it is quite misunderstood, and is a great tool to get yourself through any awkward work or social situation that you don't want to be a part of. 


People who don't get sarcasm, are offended by it or don't find it funny, are clearly 'stupid'. In fact, if you have one of those classic "I'M WITH STUPID" tshirts, you sir or madam are completely cool and awesome* and should don your shirt and wear it around those people. This will warn others whilst inflicting a form of sarcasm at the same time.
(* I am being sarcastic)

I use sarcasm quite a lot in life. In fact, I can no longer tell if and when I am being sarcastic anymore. I say this with all sincerity. Or am i being sarcastic now? Am I!?! (I am).

This paperless, non face-to-face communiqueing, whizz bang fandangled new age with computers and non-swallowable tablets and mobile phones and other things with an 'i' before their names has lead to a lot of confusion and misunderstandings. Rarely do we nowadays 'talk' using our 'voices', like they had to in the olden days. We use SMS or email or 'something'.

Merriam-Webster defines Sarcasm as:

the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say especially in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny.

It is generally identified in the language or tone when being spoken. This is where modern day technologically advanced me gets myself into trouble. I type or text a sarcastic comment (paragraph, short story, thesis or novel) and it gets lost in the ancient nokia Agfa Rotis Sans font on my mobile or Ariel font on my emails. Recipients of my typings oft misinterpret them, having not inserted a sarcastic undertone where required. Likewise, I tend to incorrectly insert sarcasm into emails that I receive.

The solution is 'SARCASTICA'. It is a bold new font ('bold' is optional) which I have created to convey sarcasm in text.

Oh sure, they have unsuccessfully tried to use a percontation point, which is a backwards question mark, but who's got time to pry the '?' key off the keyboard and flip it around. Not me. And I'm sure there is some copyright infringement on the question mark anyways.

It was a complicated and tiresome process to create 'SARCASTICA' but, by my own intricate calculations, I have "nailed it". No doubt this will be hailed as the biggest thing in literary history since the grammar phone was invented. And rightly so.

(digressive note: I have been a long time campaigner for correct grammar, and that. I'm a bit of a stickler and am proud to say that I once won a Year 8 punctuation competition (granted, I was 24 years old at the time), which saw me took home the much coveted Aposs Trophy. With autocorrect on laptops, tablets and iPhones nowadays spelling and punctuation has fallen by the wayside. That's why I have been active in petitioning to have all schoolchildren's iPhones replaced with grammar-phones.)

How did I come up with 'SARCASTICA'? Well, I'm glad you asked. And such a timely question too. 

Basically, I Googled (though, I could've used any search engine, really) images of "sarcasm cartoon"; which yielded a lot of wide-eyed cartoons with blank stares.

After Google, I Duckduckgo'd images (once again, any search engine will do) of the popular tv character "Dr House" along with the actor slash sarcastic genius "Bill Murray" - both displaying hilariously wide eyed blank stares with furrowed eyebrows. 

Combining these elements in just the right portions, at room temperature, 'SARCASTICA' was born.

For caustic effect, with extra cut and irony, you can add italics to the font. Just use it cautiously (or caustically, as is your wont).

Oh. Did I mention it should be red (when read)? Reading above, it seems I have not. It should be red. Raphael of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who's super power was the power of sarcasm, wore the red head band with eye holes cut out. Red makes sense.

To have this fantastic new font spread across the world I created a petition. Unfortunately, I created it on my iPhone, which autocorrected 'petition' to 'partition'. It completely divided the room.

Eh, I didn't know who I was going to petition anyhow. So no great loss. Maybe the Murdochs?

This week the Sydney Morning Herald created a big brouhaha, and literary history no doubt, when they published their front page with 'Comic Sans'. What it has done to the media world is, and I quote Dr Peter Venkman, "...of Biblical proportions...", with Dr Venkmann going on to spectacularly compare the situation to "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats, living together … mass hysteria." He was right. Not a truer or funnier word has been said (obviously this was not about this incident and was a line from Ghostbusters the movie, but remains true nonetheless).

To explain, any font with decorative 'feet' is a serif font. For the first time, the front page of a newspaper has not used a serif font. This simple breaking of the unspoken rules of f(r)ont page journalism (putting your best font forward, as they say in the business) got the internet all abuzz, as summed up on Buzzfeed, where many comical genii magically transformed other worldwide newspapers front pages to Comic Sans. Classic internet. 

Yes, history will show the media world exploded on Wednesday 2 September 2014 when a front pages font feet were left undecorated. I guess it is the equivalent to going to a wedding without painting your toe nails. Shocking, I know. Or do I? I don't. I'm a man. I wear closed shoes when I go to weddings (except for Benita & Ren's beach wedding. I wore flippers and a snorkel).

It is my dream to have 'SARCASTICA' adorn the front page of a (and/or all) well known and highly respected newspaper(s). I'm looking at you NEW YORK TIMES. Feel free to lobby them.

Oscar Wilde is rumoured to have famously stated, "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit". If this is true, then let 'SARCASTICA' become the lowest form of writ.