It's safe to say I for one (and number two) am not a Coronavirus fan. COVID-19 is upon us and the world has gone crazy. You may have heard there's a toilet paper shortage in Australia due to the many 'hoarders' out there.
Why?
I'm not entirely sure why this is happening but I can (and will) suredly blame every single mother out there (and the married ones, too). For it was told by all mother's in times gone by to their children that they must put on clean underwear for you never know when you may get into an accident. And I guess the detailed version of this advice would be that you need to have a wiped-clean butthole before putting on those undies otherwise the whole exercise would prove fruitless (but brown and stinky).
How embarrassing would it be to be found battered, bruised and bloodied on the side of a road as a result of a serious accident which has also ripped your clothes right off, exposing those stained panties. Boy would my face be red.
So, anyhoo - COVID is here and toilet paper is not. No one can spare a roll of toilet paper, let alone spare a square. The shops are empty and so I've taken to the internet to provide for my household (and the arseholes that reside inside it). That is where I stumbled upon this bulk buy deal which I just couldn't pass up:
Now Paul Hubbard's offer caught my eye (particularly, the brown one). Handily, he is in Maitland, NSW Australia. And it raised so many questions that I needed answering: mainly, number one and number two. Given that this COVID shit storm may be about to get real, and as I may need to eat all of the cans of baked beans I have stowed away in my pantry, garage and roof, there's a chance I'll need every one of those 2 ply rolls/rollos of dunny paper.
As the saying goes, 'when the shit hits the fan you don't want to be standing there with your pants down covered in specks of poop', so for the best interests of my precious arseholes I figured I should enquire:
With 'Paul' currently in a meeting I am currently having an amazing day on Paul's advice while eagerly awaiting for negotiations to continue. Hoping to have three shipping containers arrive by next week.
Any further progress I will keep you ass-wipes updated (no pun intended)...