Tuesday, 21 February 2017

My Mate Works At A Nuclear Reactor

My mate works at a Nuclear Reactor and I don't know what that means so I thought I'd ask some questions to (nu)clear it up...

Hey there Belly, I've known you for a long time (it seems longer) but realised when you said you were 'sorting some crap out at work' that I didn't know (and still don't know) exactly what you do at work when you say you work at a Nuclear Reactor. 

An image of Homer Simpson from the opening credits of The Simpsons comes instantly to mind. Of course, you are less yellow than he is, with slightly more fingers, but the concept is there nonetheless.

But there are more questions raised than simply what you look like at work.

Do you guys have the Pointer Sisters & Diana Ross playing on repeat while at work, and you are all burning as you are doing the neutron dance? 

That is, while you are in the middle of a chain reaction as you are getting your love ready for the sweet sensation of instant radiation... (Seriously, Google the lyrics, it’s nasty).

Is it frowned upon to say a colleague is ‘over-reacting’ or having a ‘meltdown’?

Is it standard procedure for every worker to say, upon every single time they stand up, “Up and Atom!”?

The good people at Wikipedia tell me that a Nuclear Reactor is formerly known as an Atomic Pile. Can you try and get everyone at your work to refer to your place of work as an Atomic Pile? If you hear someone say 'nuclear reactor' in a meeting shake your head in disdain.

Also, mention in a meeting with your boss that plutonium comes from the former planet Pluto, and wink at him.

Of course, if anyone questions you on this just laugh and say you were joking as everyone knows Pluto is a dog.

You should do this up to two times a month as a constant reminder for your work colleagues.

Whenever you go on holidays and the guys from work ask you where you’re going, do you always respond with “Going fission” then laugh at yourself? Then stop and explain to them that fission sounds like fishing and that’s why it’s funny, but then say that you’re not really going fishing it was just for a gag and that you're of course going to a Strip Club.

Having plants in the office is thought to encourage happiness and productivity. How often should you water your nuclear plants?

Is it polite and motivational to yell out to your work colleagues "You DA BOMB!" at the top of your lungs?

I couldn't work at a Nuclear Reactor. I don't have enough self control. I'd be constantly jumping into the reactor with a spider to become a Superhero. Have you done this yet? Maybe a shark would be a better option than a spider. Though how the hell would we get a shark into the reactor?!?! Do you know how?

Agh, it's just as well. I get really self-conscious in spandex. But, of course, you remember your wedding - you've seen this first hand.

Anyhoo, I better let you go. You've probably gotta split atoms. We'll have to have a beer soon. Maybe come over after work on Friday and we'll throw some of those three-eyed fish on the barbie.

Yes, the doll.

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