And now, for your square-eyes only, here is the exclusive and mind-numbing dialogue that brought forth the beauty that is the idea of Gogglebox*...
(* or, The People's Couch for American and Canadian viewers)
[Scene: Television Executive Planning Room (with big table). There are half eaten custard scrolls on the table and everyone has a takeaway coffee cup in their hands, for show]
Roger Executive: OK hotshots, I haven't heard a good idea all morning. Blow me!
Sally Admin: (whispers to Roger) "Away", sir. "Blow me away".
Roger Exec: Exactly, Sally. C'mon people, blow me and Sally (raises eyebrows in Sally's direction) away with your new TV ideas!
Nelly Next-in-line: How about modern day remake of The Odd Couple starring Matthew Perry...
Roger Exec: Yeeeesssssss! Go onnnnnnnn...!
Nelly: ...and Thomas Lennon...
Roger Exec: You're Fired! Next!
Larry Ladder-Climber: Uhhh, how about a reality show like The Bachelor, except that it's about a human master in search of his 'best friend' with 10 slutty dogs competing for his attention...?
Roger Exec: hmmm, go on.
Larry: Yes, yes, ermmm ... Yeah, and instead of a 'rose ceremony', there is a 'bone ceremony'.
Roger Exec: Hmmm ... No, no, no. This won't do at all. Famous semi-fictional writer Ronnie Peace of Peace'O'Mind will write about it and destroy it!
Larry: Ah, yes, Ronnie. Brilliant writer. Ahead of his time.
Roger Exec: Yes, a very funny semi-fictional man, indeed. Perhaps we should get him working on these ideas instead of you (looks at Larry and makes a throat-slitting gesture).
[Larry loosens his buttoned up collar, making a comical "eww, eww" sound, like they do in the cartoons]
Sally Admin: Sir, in all due respect, we should really get onto the matter at hand, rather than gratuitously plugging Ronnie Peace's Peace'O'Mind within his own blog.
Roger Exec: Excellent thinking, Sally! (points finger at the remaining TV writers in the room with one hand, while the other hand is shoving a custard scroll in his mouth inaccurately) C'mon people! What am I paying you for?!?
[Roger spies Broderick - the school student on work experience - in the corner picking his nose and checking Twitstaface*, turns to him (not knowing who he is)]
(* patent pending, pending creation of said online social networking media service)
Roger Exec: You - booga farmer - here's your chance to be promoted to Vice-President of this expensive and famously known TV company - GO! Broderick Student: Ummm ... like... uhhh, like... ya know ... what if there's a TV show where we watch people watching a TV show, or something...?
Yoda: (smoking a bong in the corner) Dude! Totally blown, my mind, it is!
Roger Exec: Yes! (shoots an imaginary bullet at Broderick through his hand shaped as a handgun. A hand-handgun, if you will.) Bang! (he recoils his middle finger, before blowing imaginary smoke off the tip of his index finger)
Barry Browntongue: We compile a number of different "regular" (he makes the quotation mark symbol as he says this with his hands (what a wanker)) couples from different socioeconomic backgrounds - the stereotypical types - supply them with alcohol, and - as you said, boss - bang! (he says, capitalising on his bosses approval of the school-experience kid's idea)
[there is a lot of high-fiving and butt-slapping. Shares in this expensive and famously known TV company spike suddenly]
Roger Exec: Brilliant work, Broderick. Or, should I say ... Vice President...
[more high fiving and butt-slapping. Someone does a body-shot off a g-string clad midget's belly button]
Broderick: Wahoo, I'm rich!
Roger Exec: Yes, yes it's good. Money is good. Now, Vice President, get to work. Get a team of writers together and get writing.
Broderick: But... it doesn't need to be written... there's no script...?
Roger Exec: Bloody insolent bastard. You let the power get to your head. You're fired! (turns to Sally) Get Seinfeld in here to get a script together for this show. And get that Ronnie Peace guy involved too!
(now saying to himself)... hmmm, now, what'll we call it...?
Sally: Ok, I'll call them - I just need to get my glasses. Now, where did I put them ... ah, yes, in the office goggle box ... there they are.
Roger Exec: Gogglebox - that's the one! Brilliant work, Sally! Gogglebox it shall be named; that is, unless I am in America or Canada at this very moment, in which case we will obviously call it The People's Couch for obvious reasons only knownst to us Americans and/or Canadians...
And so, as history has just proven via the accurate transcript above - no, it was not a good idea. And I'll be damned if I can sit through a 30 second advertisement of the damned thing let alone the whole thing.
I don't know about you but when I sit down to watch a TV show or movie I sit down with the purpose of watching said TV show or movie - NOT to listen to an annoying friend or relative constantly interrupting my viewing to make some lame, half-arsed wisecracks or titty jokes while I miss the main point of the show. And now this show Gogglebox provides this annoyance without the hassle of having to have friends or relatives sit beside you.
...so, I guess, there's that.
|Cartoon: A picture says a thousand words|