Friday, 18 September 2015

Life In A Metaphorical Nutshell

You have probably just read my learned piece on The Stages Of Life. And, presumedly, loved it very much, throwing bouquets of roses from the balcony with a tear in your eye in admiration. That's natural. If you haven't read it yet, you should. Or wait for the movie starring Jason Bateman and Celia Paquola and save yourself the hassle of reading.

In it (unless it was cut from the movie version) you will remember the well-known turn of phrase I had regurgitated in the name of journalism. That is, the one about life in a nutshell.
Peace'O'Mind Cartoon

Of course, no one lives their life inside a nutshell. Unless you happen to be a nut. 

But not a human nut per se

It is simply a phrase made famous by the legendary and delightful English Secret Agent, Sir Austin Powers (refer the 'International Man Of Mystery' documentary on the aforementioned), that my Editor has applied to my piece on 'The Stages Of Life' in a cheap attempt to get some extra readers (additional to my mum and myself - does not include my Editor) on the following illiterate garble about the life cycle of a typical human being.

More on (or, moron) the life in a nutshell expression

As we all know - if not now, then definitely at the end of this long-winded sentence - a nut is by definition a fruit

As a nut IS a fruit, this then makes sense of the phrase that refers to us as the fruits of our mother's loins. Particularly if your mother's name is Michelle or Shelly; that being a nutShell or nut'Chelle

Being that the Pork Loin is arguably the most tasty of all the loins, we can then draw reference from the pork loin to another delicious byproduct of the pig - pork belly (preferably not within earshot of one's mother).

The pork belly in turn relates to where we are initially grown - the 'belly' - and how - a 'pork'. The pork belly is the nutshell that us nuts are all given life through.

A 'ballbag' is also another name for the shell of which your nuts are kept. In this, the nuts are, of course, genitals.

And that, my juicy fruits, is life in a nutshell.


Thank YOU for reading or, at the very least, scrolling to the bottom.
Please leave a comment and my trained monkey's will get excited and respond in kind, or unkind.