Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Ghostbusters all-girl remake is a bad idea. Boo!

When I first heard that there are plans to remake Ghostbusters I nearly blew my proton pack. Ghostbusters is one of those all-time classic movies that should not ever be remade. 


...probably not a good word to use if going on to state why it would be even worse if it was made with an all-female cast. But I do go on.

Don't get me wrong, I love women. I married one. You couldn't brand me as sexist (I'm pretty fast, and could outrun most people - particularly if they were carrying a branding iron. I'd probably start running to my car when I saw you stick the branding iron in the furnace, so don't bother). I don't believe that men are 'intrinsically superior' to women (eg. women have boobs, and I love boobs. Big fan).

I assume it wouldn't be a completely all-female cast - though, a lesbian themed Ghostbusters remake may have some merit. I think I know a few people that would definitely watch that (not me - though I support all sexualities -  I'm happily married). Assumedly, it would just be a female-led cast, where the girls play the guys, and vice versa. Who Sigourney Weaver's 'vice versa' is would be anyone's guess. Dana (Sigourney) did have a baby in Ghostbusters II and Bill Murray's character Peter Venkman (Dana's love interest) was clearly a womaniser, so for now we'll just go on and assume Dana was a female*.
(* Peter Venkman did quip about Dana "...Ok, so, she's a dog" and, although animals also have sexes, I think it's best we keep beastiality out of this and assume Dana's also human)

Boo Boo ain't afraid of no "Boo!"

Reasons why 'Ghostessbusters' wouldn't work:
  • Ghosts are real. Male librarians are not. The scene where the Ghostbusters discovered the ghost of former Head Librarian of the New York Public Library, Dr. Eleanor Twitty, and Ray (Dan Aykroyd) comes up with the ingenious plan to "get her" would therefore be preposterous and completely unbelievable if the ghostly librarian was a male. Ridiculous. And it was the 80's - I'm not even sure libraries exist in this day and age.
  • One of the funniest scenes in the movie is when all hell is breaking loose and the following interchange occurs:
    Dr Ray Stantz
    : Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
    Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
    Mayor: Is this true?
    Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.
    Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.
    HAHA, hilarious. The humour is in the fact that Walter Peck actually has a penis (at least, we are lead to believe, as he is played by male actor, William Atherton, and he has a beard*).
    (* not to be used as sole evidence since Eurovision 2014 was aired)

    If the roles were reversed, and Walter was a woman, the once humourous dialogue would be a statement of fact and simply wouldn't work. 
  • The scene where Ray is seduced by an attractive female ghost in his bed would never work in reverse, as a lady would never let this happen unless they knew the ghost first and had been taken on a minimum of 7 dates (atleast 3 of these must be at an expensive restaurant).
  • Carol Channing - go on, google image her - is much too old to play a female version of Louis Tully (Rick Moranis).
For any type of possible remake or threequel it just wouldn't work without Bill Murray. In the 80's you didn't need jokes - you just needed Bill Murray, Eddie Murphy or Chevy Chase to say stuff, and they made it funny. Bloody Funny!

On the flipside, the part where Dan Aykroyd gets covered in pink goo could work (Ghostbusters II). Giggitty. Though, if it was a female Dan Aykroyd it would be that big, burly (wo)man from Bridesmaids or Rebel Wilson, and no one wants to see that.

I ain't afraid of no ghost ... but I'd be afraid of that.

For arguements sake: Zuul would be played by Lady Gaga. Peter Venkman by Sarah Silverman. Dr Egon by Marilyn Manson. Slimer by Operah Winfrey or Clive Palmer in drag.

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