Australia Day Long Weekend Part 2 - Don't Drink The Water

(Continued... 
note: if you haven't read Part 1 click here or this will make even less sense than it actually does)

Next thing we know it's Australia Day and we're hungover.

Each year we celebrate all that is Australia Day by being hungover, blowing up the mini outdoor pool, filling it with water as we cook the bbq, restock the Esky (chilly bin, cooler, box to keep the beer cold), shoo some flies, paint our faces with zinc, apply fake Australian sticker tattoos and turn on the radio to listen to the inaugural Triple J Hottest 100.

Australia Day Long Weekend Part 1 - Fly-Shooing, Thigh-Slapping, Head-Shaking, Sweat It Out

As the post-Christmas/New-Year-Holiday-depression roots itself into my work scenario and, as I'm cussing myself (quite loudly and, if I do say, unnecessarily crudely too) at having wasted my holiday not coming up with a brilliant idea on how not to have to go back to work again, the Australia Day holiday approaches. Here to save the day of every hard-working Aussie with the simple dream of never having to work a day in their life again. At least for a day. You bloody beauty.

Bringing in the New Year - Salutations and Salivations

[ THIS WAS PUBLISHED ONLINE BY INTERNATIONAL LITERARY ONLINE JOURNAL QUEEN MOB'S TEAHOUSE AS 'SOMEBODY BRING IN THE NEW YEAR' ]

Preface: Please bear in mind* this article was intended to be read on New Years Eve, though it was written in early 2015. One of my New Year's resolutions is to be less distracted by shiny objects, and more inclined to manage my time better (and less inclined against the bar most nights). 
Time machine not included.
(*During a successful 14 hour neurological surgery the bear was removed by TV doctor, Dr House. Though not a real doctor per se, he has a delightfully funny bedside manner which was worth the risk)

As the last day of 2014 dawned upon us, friends were heard to shriek "AGH! A cockroach!!", for there was a large cockroach making it's way across the seafood buffet.

New Christmas Songs 2014 - Hymns and Hers

What I don't know about music you couldn't fill a staff with.

While that lead-in sentence is quite the amusing musical overture (there's another), it can be said that music is a part of me (left inner thigh), as much as me is a part of music. It is well known amongst my admirers that I like to keep the beat of bad company. That was, until the so-called bad company found out, and broke into my house to reclaim their beat (don't worry, they were caught and are now doing 4 by 4 time).

Religious Semantics / Sermontics

I wasn't on a mission from God, I was on a mission from the Pope.

In recent years, thy religious master hadn't many servants to call upon as, despite Jon Bon Jovi's call to "keep the faith", people hadn't. At best, they'd misplaced it.

Like a popular gay cowboy in the 30's through to the 60's, the numbers had been Wayne-ing.

Are You A Pick Up Artist, or Would You Like To Be One?

I don't know why there is all this backlash about this Julien Blanc guy in the media? I've never heard of him before, and haven't viewed any of his works, but it sounds like he's being given a rough time.

I fancy myself as a bit of a pickup artist, myself. Not that I think I am good enough to make a career out of it, but I do like to try my hand on the weekends. Here is my latest attempt:

New Star Trek Cast Announced

Mor practice needed: New Star Trek cast practicing their Vulcan salutes
(Photo courtesy of smh.com.au Andrew Meares)

Man-Made Global Warming, and Other Myths of the Environment DEBUNKED!

With the on-going world wide debate (a mass debate, if you will) between the religion of man-made global warming and the climate change deniers, I feel it is my duty to correct some of the misunderstandings and untruths that have been floating the alleged heated globe recently.

Cartoon: (wo)Man-Made Global Warming.
OR, is that Mother Nature holding the skewer?

Regular drinking of alcohol can prolong your life (and can ferment your body afterwards)

'On the Tiles' by Ron Acme.
An artist's impression of L.A.P.D Homicide
Sergant Roger Murtaugh after a night out.

As the famous singer sang, "I've got a hangover, wa-oh-oh. I've been drinking too much fo sho" (assumedly Pavarotti?).

But did he? Drink. Too much?

Some people say I drink too much - my mum, wife, doctor, boss, my dogs, Lindsay Lohan, my liver - while other people say I don't drink enough - me, David Hasselhoff, my 'mates' that don't know my name at the pub, drunk me. But one thing is for sure; the evidence is inconclusive.

My Time as the Bachelor

Many of you may not know this (particularly those of you who don't know me) - a few years ago I found myself fulfilling the challenging and meaty role as the Bachelor on the show of the same name. It is something I am ashamed of and embarrassed to admit, but it makes for a good story so here goes.