The Blinking Christmas Lights Factory

Ah, Christmas time. 

Aaargh!!!!!! Christmas time.

The time of year where it is consciously accepted, even encouraged, to string up as many cheap flashing lights as one can and send the electricity grid into overdrive.

A Private Conversation Between Adam and Eve

Some time before the commencement of sexual relations between the infamous Adam and Eve (no doubt as they wondered if they were brother and sister, or not), Adam got curious.

"Eve", he said, "what do you have hidden behind your leaf?"

Eve, taken aback by Adam's forward questioning and embarrassed by it, replied:

"Uhhhh ... I gotta split" And took off into the night.

The Heat In The Kitchen

I walked into a melee in the kitchen. The appliances were bickering again. 

Apparently it all started when the pot called the kettle black, and the kettle took offence (it preferred the term 'onyx').

Halloween for Idiots - What does Hallowe'en me'an?

Hallo'.


Weening you onto the true origin of Halloween is as easy as Paris Hilton. Or baking a pumpkin pie. But never the tween shall meet.

As an Australian, Halloween is simply an afternoon spent quietly inside, creeping around with the lights off to avoid the greedy, greasey handed rapping upon the front door of my house by strange children in order to salvage my sacred lolly and chocolate stash from their begging, filthy grasps.

But there's more to this horrifying day than meets the eye, and rots the teeth. Here's how:

Magpie Season

In Australia, 'Magpies' (or, the 'Australian Magpie') are a type of bird that many refer to as The Great White Sharks of the air.

Though, my wife says, "No they don't, that's stupid, no one says that!"

The Stages Of Life

As humans we start this life much like we end it - crawling, incoherent and shitting our pants - such is the circle of life. The following is my scientific analysis on human life in a nutshell...

Life In A Metaphorical Nutshell

You have probably just read my learned piece on The Stages Of Life. And, presumedly, loved it very much, throwing bouquets of roses from the balcony with a tear in your eye in admiration. That's natural. If you haven't read it yet, you should. Or wait for the movie starring Jason Bateman and Celia Paquola and save yourself the hassle of reading.

In it (unless it was cut from the movie version) you will remember the well-known turn of phrase I had regurgitated in the name of journalism. That is, the one about life in a nutshell.

Of course, no one lives their life inside a nutshell. Unless you happen to be a nut. 

A Poem: My Turn

My Turn

By Ronnie Peace

[A Poem about Australia's newest Prime Minister, 2015]

Malcolm before

Mal come again

Malcolm's turn now

Turn bull to PM

A butt of the joke

Abbott of the spill

Tony down to knee

The odds shorten, Bill

A Labor of love
A Liberal amount
The votes have come in
But the Greens won't count

Bishop to Rook

Hockey one, Hockey two,

SCRATCH

The Two Ronnies

When my good mate Ronald McDonald and I get together hilarity generally ensues.
(and hopefully when his McSolicitors get a load of this, they don't on-sue me)

Oh, how we laugh.

To Celia: A Poempology

To Celia: A Poempology

By Ronnie Peace

(A poem of apology, of which I would also like to apologise for this here poetry)