" ", they said in tandem (verbally, not via skydiving, on this particular occasion).Not so much due to my grand and selfless offering of my invaluable services (at a markedly reduced fee), but mainly as I had not been asked.
Or wanted, as it turned out.
However, after much discussion, persuasion, bribery, nipple cripples and legal threats I had finally convinced them that I was the right choice to MC. If nothing more than to shut me up.
Which is quite a trick, may I add. Something that the organisers should be commended for. For it is true what they say about me - like the Dutch at breakfast time, I can waffle.
The night promises to be a great night (and I can vouch for the night as I've not once seen it go back on it's word), which is assured to raise more questions than answers, as any noted trivia night should. Not only will I be talking words, and the like, on the 'mic' (which is what us super cool MC types refer to our microphone as. Or 'axe'. Or ice-cream') but I have also helped my wife with the trivia questions.
As I am commonly known as the smart* one of the relationship, my wife had the easy task of writing the questions for the night while I had obviously been given the highly intelligible task of coming up with the answers.
This should provide for great anticipation towards the night, even for me, as I haven't yet seen her questions and am excited to see if any of my answers match her questions.
What qualifications do I have, I hear you ask? (or is that those damn voices again?) I have a double Masters in both "Trivia" and "Ceremonies". I shall be addressed as "Trivia Master Master of Ceremonies". Or "Your Lordship".
In fact, I once opened for John Cleese. Granted, it was the curtains that I opened. And it is also pertinent to point out that it was John Cleese our local butcher in Kurri Kurri, not John Cleese the pythonesque English actor, comedian, writer and producer.
Although Neo famously said that a world without rules and something else is a world where anything is possible, I've decided to carry on and decree some rules for the trivia night as, quite frankly, Neo had no idea what he was talking about, this isn't the Matrix, and I had no idea what that movie was all about.
Rule 1: The Trivia Master Master of Ceremonies (TMMoC) is ALWAYS right, even when proven wrong;
Rule 2: Points will be deducted from teams that prove the TMMoC wrong, or, an idiot;
Rule 3: The TMMoC is always right;
Rule 4: The TMMoC has a microphone and will always have the last word. The microphone will be turned up accordingly;
(wife: check that I will have a microphone and access to the volume. And 2 bottles of Brokenwood Shiraz 2003, a masseuse, an accordion player (in case I choose to have the microphone turned up accordionly), and 5 packets of Cadbury chocolate coated fruit and nut with the chocolate coated nuts removed).
So if I haven't scared you off, we implore you to please come along, raise money for a good cause, and have fun - 'cause without 'fun' it will just be a 'draiser' trivia night, and that makes less sense than I do. And if I have scared you off, then come along anyway.
For, as Robbie Williams & Kylie Minogue declared musically and specifically* about this night, we are "doing it for the kids."
(* may not have been about this trivia night. They also were quoted as singing "me no bubbletious" so I don't know how much weight their words and commendations of the night really have. Best we don't mention it at all)